{"id":735476,"date":"2021-03-04T05:00:43","date_gmt":"2021-03-04T11:00:43","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/churchanswers.com\/?p=735476"},"modified":"2021-03-02T20:48:57","modified_gmt":"2021-03-03T02:48:57","slug":"what-if-my-kid-doesnt-have-any-friends-at-church","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/churchanswers.com\/blog\/what-if-my-kid-doesnt-have-any-friends-at-church\/","title":{"rendered":"What if my kid doesn&#8217;t have any friends at church?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">We all want our kids to be happy and to feel comfortable, especially at church.<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> Over many years of ministry, I have talked to parents who expressed concern that their child did not have friends at church. Often this is a reason that families give when they stop attending.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Friendships between kids can be challenging no matter what, but church is a different dynamic because of the limited amount of time kids spend there each week. It can be hard to make significant friendships in an hour or two a week. However, there are things that you and I can do as parents that can better or worsen the situation.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If your child is expressing these thoughts, here are some tough questions to ask yourself as the parent:<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u00a0<\/span><b>How consistently is my child attending?<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u00a0 Think about this \u2026 if your child is only there 1 to 2 times a month, it is going to be very hard for him to make real connections with other kids. If you just spent an hour a month with someone, would you feel you knew them very well? In fact, he might even feel left out because the kids who are there most of the time are going to naturally know each other better. <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The more consistently your child attends, the better chance he will have at getting to know other kids and building friendships.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><b>Is my child in a small group environment where she can build relationships? <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u00a0To answer this question, you need to have a good understanding of what happens in your church\u2019s children\u2019s or youth ministry. Many children\u2019s ministries have large group worship and small group activities.\u00a0 At our church, Wednesday nights are the very best environment for kids to build relationships. We keep those groups small and kids attend more consistently during the week. Also, our Sunday morning life groups\/small groups are the next best opportunity to get to know other kids. Large group environments are designed for kids to connect with God through worship, teaching, and prayer. It is a larger group though, so it will be more difficult for kids to connect with each other. Maybe by expanding your child\u2019s involvement you can help her connect better.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><b>Are YOU in a small group?<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u00a0 My kids\u2019 closest friends at church did not come from Sunday or Wednesday ministries. Their closest relationships have been formed with the kids whose parents are my friends. Why? Because we spend time together outside of Sunday morning. We eat lunch together or hang out on the weekend. You need to be intentional about connecting with other parents with kids of similar ages. The best way to do this in most churches is to join a small group yourself. <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I guarantee the more you are connected, the more your kids will connect.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><b>Are you encouraging your child to take the first step?<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u00a0 What I have noticed in children\u2019s ministry is that very few kids are intentionally excluded. Kids just tend to gravitate to the people and groups they are used to being around. (Adults do too, by the way.)\u00a0 Challenge your child to be the one to try to connect with another kid in class. Maybe encourage him to look for someone else who needs a friend or is sitting by himself.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><b>Have you talked to the teacher in the class?<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u00a0 We are all on the same team. We all want your child to grow spiritually and to be a part of the church. Sometimes parents feel awkward talking to kidmin leaders and vice versa. Don\u2019t! Tell them what your concern is. Ask what they are observing. Ask if there is a specific child your child could buddy up with. Be aware though \u2013 there is a great chance that the teachers will have no idea what you are talking about. Some kids will participate all morning and be the center of the party and then go back and tell Mom and Dad that they don\u2019t know anyone! Or, another warning, a really honest leader may help you see some things that your child is doing that is making it harder for him to make friends. Be ready to receive those things well. Talking to the leaders can give you a whole new perspective and often relieve a lot of anxiety.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><b>Have you reminded your child that friends aren\u2019t the main point?<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> Yes, I am fully aware how important friendships are to kids. However, this is a great teaching point to <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">remind your child that we go to church to connect first with God and learn more about Him.<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> Secondly, we come to church to connect with other believers. Don\u2019t be afraid to remind them to keep those priorities straight. The more they do the first, the more naturally the second will eventually happen. Also, remember, this isn\u2019t necessarily your problem to solve. God may have some very important lessons for your child to learn in this. Don\u2019t be afraid you\u2019re going to turn her off from church forever. Most importantly, please do not let them talk you into quitting church. There is a good chance that this same problem might pop up at the next church. It might not \u2026 sometimes it is a better fit somewhere else \u2026 but make sure you have tried all the other things listed above first.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><b>Have you been praying about it?<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u00a0 I know. That is such a church-y answer. However, God cares about these things in your child\u2019s life. Ask God to help your child connect and build friendships. Ask Him to show you what you can do as a parent and what you should not do.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Navigating childhood friendships is hard. Let\u2019s be honest, all church friendships can be hard. However, being strongly connected with the Body of Christ is totally worth it and will provide your kids an amazing foundation and support system. Keep fighting to keep them connected to it!<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"We all want our kids to be happy and to feel comfortable, especially at church. Over many years of ministry, I have talked to parents who expressed concern that their child did not have friends at church. Often this is a reason that families give when they stop attending. Friendships between kids can be challenging&#8230;","protected":false},"author":8041,"featured_media":735482,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"publish_to_discourse":"0","publish_post_category":"1","wpdc_auto_publish_overridden":"","wpdc_topic_tags":"","wpdc_pin_topic":"","wpdc_pin_until":"","discourse_post_id":"","discourse_permalink":"","wpdc_publishing_response":"","wpdc_publishing_error":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[1,190,177],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-735476","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-church-answers","category-family","category-lead"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.7 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>What if my kid doesn&#039;t have any friends at church? | Church Answers<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"We all want our kids to be happy and to feel comfortable, especially at church. 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