{"id":844590,"date":"2025-02-03T05:00:59","date_gmt":"2025-02-03T11:00:59","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/churchanswers.com\/?p=844590"},"modified":"2025-02-03T08:44:10","modified_gmt":"2025-02-03T14:44:10","slug":"confessions-of-a-broken-pastors-wife-a-true-story","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/churchanswers.com\/blog\/confessions-of-a-broken-pastors-wife-a-true-story\/","title":{"rendered":"Confessions of a Broken Pastor\u2019s Wife: A True Story"},"content":{"rendered":"

I love the community that has formed on this blog. There are several of you who are regular commenters; you have become a part of this blog family, and I feel like I know you.<\/span><\/p>\n

Some of you come to the blog in affirmation of what I have written. I am always grateful for such encouragement. But some of you disagree with me. I gladly post your comments for two reasons. First, I want to be fair to all who take time to read my blog. Second, I am wrong sometimes and need to be corrected.<\/span><\/p>\n

How This Story Began<\/b><\/p>\n

Sometimes, however, you come to this blog hurting deeply. You need a place where you can be heard, and you need a place where you can share your pain without fear of retribution. That is why I allow you to comment anonymously if you so desire. My only requirement is that you enter your legitimate email in case we need to confirm that you\u2019re not hiding behind a fake address. But we will never publish your email address.<\/span><\/p>\n

A few years ago, I wrote a post about pastors\u2019 spouses and what they wish they had known before they became a pastor\u2019s spouse. The article struck a nerve. Much to my surprise, I discovered a depth and breadth of hurt of which I was unaware. I was ashamed I had been so oblivious to this pain.<\/span><\/p>\n

The Story of Good Pastors<\/b><\/p>\n

Please hear me clearly: Most pastors are good pastors. Most pastors are good people. Most pastors are good family persons.<\/span><\/p>\n

But some pastors forget their priorities. They neglect their vows to their spouses. They abandon their families under the guise that they are doing God\u2019s work. I served as a pastor of four churches. There were times that I neglected my wife and my three sons because I justified my busyness as God\u2019s work. I was wrong, terribly wrong.<\/span><\/p>\n

The Hurting Pastor\u2019s Wife<\/b><\/p>\n

As my post on pastor\u2019s spouses became a lively conversation, I was struck by one comment in particular. Indeed, I was almost brought to tears as I read it. Here are her words without any changes, additions, or deletions:<\/span><\/p>\n

I wish my husband would have included me in his life to be his cheerleader. I wish he would have respected my calling and ministry. I wish someone would have told me that he was going to neglect me and forget about our dreams as a married couple. Now he lives for the church. Birthdays and anniversaries do not exist in this home. I’m tired of eating dinners alone and having anniversary trips canceled because he has no interest. What does he always tell me? Oh yeah, ‘The Kingdom of God is always first.’ Now even my faith in God is at question. How could God give me a husband who is a pastor and so easily live without me? I feel stuck in this marriage. I am unfulfilled as a woman, wife, minister, and mother. Everything he promised me he has broken. I wish someone would have told me it would be this way. Then maybe I would have paid more attention to my gut feeling!”<\/span><\/p>\n

Wow. The pain is so obvious. The hurt is so deep.<\/span><\/p>\n

The First Ministry<\/b><\/p>\n

When Paul was giving Timothy the qualifications of the pastor\/overseer, he made a summary statement in 1 Timothy 3:5: \u201cIf anyone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he take care of God\u2019s church?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Pastors often share with me the difficulty they have in balancing the priorities of family and church. But the Bible, through Paul\u2019s words, gives us a slightly different perspective. Pastors are not choosing between two different priorities. Their family is actually their first level of ministry in the church. If they cannot minister to them well, they cannot take care of the church.<\/span><\/p>\n

Pastors are pulled in countless directions. The demands and expectations are endless. But pastors, please don\u2019t neglect your first ministry. Don\u2019t neglect your family. Let every member of your family know how much you love them. Even more, show every member of your family how much you love them every day by praying with them, giving them time, listening to them, and demonstrating they are your first ministry in the church.<\/span><\/p>\n

Satan would love to destroy your family. In God\u2019s power, please don\u2019t let it happen.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"I love the community that has formed on this blog. There are several of you who are regular commenters; you have become a part of this blog family, and I feel like I know you. Some of you come to the blog in affirmation of what I have written. I am always grateful for such…","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":844592,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"publish_to_discourse":"0","publish_post_category":"1","wpdc_auto_publish_overridden":"","wpdc_topic_tags":"","wpdc_pin_topic":"","wpdc_pin_until":"","discourse_post_id":"","discourse_permalink":"","wpdc_publishing_response":"","wpdc_publishing_error":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[193,1,195,184,190,177,191,14796,180,194,15962],"tags":[20160,19054,86,20162,20161],"class_list":["post-844590","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-administration-and-finance","category-church-answers","category-conflict-and-people-problems","category-discipleship","category-family","category-lead","category-mind-body-and-spirit","category-monday-wednesday-featured","category-outreach-and-evangelism","category-preaching","category-womens-discipleship","tag-confessions-of-a-broken-pastors-wife-a-true-story","tag-ministry","tag-pastor","tag-pastors-spouse","tag-pastors-wife"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nConfessions of a Broken Pastor\u2019s Wife: A True Story | Church Answers<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"I love the community that has formed on this blog. 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